The Assman

My pixel 4 I bought used years ago is still fine

Bruh, 13th amendment. It’s illegal.

I always eat a few of their bullets. That’s called the Dad Tax

Put some sugar on those Wheaties boy

Member when you went to specific websites for specific content to amuse yourself, instead of trawling one of five garbage dumps to find something interesting to look at

Catch and release

You mean milk soup

The toaster oven I just invented works much better than a traditional one. It reheats French fries perfectly, you can dehydrate in it, makes succulent roasted chicken, and about 2.5% of the time it burns down your house. You’ll always need to keep an eye on it to make sure that doesn’t happen. Remember though, much better than a traditional one.

the endless wagons of money from hyped up sponsors

For the record, that describes almost every big software company in the last 30 years.

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The apprentice has become the master

This one speaks wisdom

That is an “of course I know what a cat looks like” type of cat

We switched from Kroger to a couple of international groceries. It’s hit and miss quality wise, but this way I’m only supporting at most a handful of greedy shitbags.

This guy larms

Psh when I open random stuck drawers all I find is jars of teeth

Then he went to his mother in law’s house

Things synths says

He’s a fungi

They let criminals out of jail and send them to the meat grinder