Plot twist: America sends all their meat to China as they are now forced to eat tofu because they couldn’t sell their soybeans and China bought all they needed from Argentina

Yes

Because we’re living rent free in their heads, they can’t help themselves.

But how big was their supply to start with?

Not sure about an STD but alopecia is hair loss iirc and is often a symptom or result of other medical issues. It’s certainly not limited to head hair.

Ah, so you make up the difference with your labor