That’s the trick - I don’t do everything. It just isn’t physically possible. So, I don’t kill myself trying.

For a full bathroom (sink, toilet, tub and shower), I prioritize the stuff that matters most - toilet and sink. Cleaning those takes me 10 minutes, tops. Those are what stays clean on a day to day basis. Everything else gets dealt with weekly (sweeping, trash), monthly (tub, shower) or less frequently.

The lie Americans have told themselves is that it is possible for a family of 2-4 to perform a ridiculous number of tasks to live in 4-star hotel conditions their entire adult lives. It’s a fantasy that has people killing themselves to dust corners of their homes that literally nobody sees or cares about.

You’ve got better things to do with your time than dusting. Like resting from your day job.

None of the things you mention has anything to do with the job itself. How you show up and when is what matters.

There’s a lot of mythology around work that is just no longer true and hasn’t been true since the 1990s, if not the 1980s.

The only time your boss cares about you going “above and beyond” is in situations where it will make them look good to their boss. Don’t waste your energy going above and beyond just randomly. It won’t get noticed and it’ll only burn you out.

Providing quality customer service is never wasted effort, but it doesn’t mean putting up with entitled customers. If people aren’t interacting with you at least calmly, don’t waste the energy engaging. Don’t engage with adults having tantrums.

Most importantly - don’t dilute your wage. If you’re hourly, be meticulous about clock-in and clock-out times. Don’t do work unless you’re on the clock. If you’re salary, that means you give what you have; it doesn’t mean you kill yourself for the job. If I’m sick, my salary pays for the ~30% effort that I’ve got to give. Trying to give 100% when you don’t have it is a great way to burn yourself out and gain nothing in return. If you’re good at something other people value, never ever do it for free. All people will do is take advantage.

Most household chores that actually need to be done boil down to a handful of things that need daily attention and can be done in 15 minutes or less, the weekly crap that takes 30 minutes or less once a week, and then monthly and quarterly maintenance cycles. If you’re spending more than ~30 min. a day, plus ~1 hour on the weekends doing choring, you’re probably wasting your energy on things that don’t truly matter. You can scale back and not worry so much about keeping your space ready for a Martha Stewart catalog. Focus on what’s truly essential and let the rest slide.

This is what cognitive dissonance looks like.

https://github.com/selfteaching/How-To-Ask-Questions-The-Smart-Way/blob/master/How-To-Ask-Questions-The-Smart-Way.md

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They weren’t that good, just charming.

They weren’t even that charming. Just a little more able to keep their mouths shut while in front of mixed company.

Source: In the early 2000s, I worked in a position that was two degrees away from BillG. I put together presentations and demos that my boss delivered to the man.

Listen to how Melinda talks about her relationship with him for clues about how little actual charisma he has. She’s responsible for every bit of humanity he’s shown over the last three decades. There were interviews he gave prior to marrying her where he expressed open disdain toward humanitarian endeavors.