I see this on Imgur and Bluesky as well. Here’s a great example, and the one that prompted me to finally ask. My daughter has autism and ADHD. She takes speed to slow down. Best friend is ADHD, same deal. But they’re basically “normal” people. I’m truly sorry is this comes off as insensitive.
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It’s normal to be aware of how people perceive us. We are apes. Need I elaborate?
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We ALL mess up more when someone is watching. Forget the word, but it’s a well-known psychological tic.
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Yes, we all conform and hide parts of ourselves in public, doesn’t mean you can’t “be yourself”. Want to see someone who doesn’t mask at all? Trump.
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If you’re not aware of threats, Darwin would like a word. And yes, many things we perceive as threats are dumb monkey perceptions. We’re all silly in this way.
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Uh, I double check my door locks. Not paranoid, but my situation in America makes that a simple, smart move. Some people live around lots of strangers, checking your private space is a normal thing.
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We all hate being stared at. That’s a monkey threat. We evolved that way.
The “suspicious sounds” thing is the only part I’d pick out as a bit strange. But who hasn’t jumped when the ice maker kicks in? I’ve often thought someone crawled in the dog door. (A bear did one time, a hybrid wolf another, so let me slide on that one.)
I can go on /c/autism and pick 100 other memes for examples. Almost every single thing I see there, “Yeah, we all go though that/feel that way/do that thing.” Here’s one:
https://piefed.cdn.blahaj.zone/posts/6k/Lb/6kLbDigyQuftk4k.jpg
Doesn’t everyone do that now and again?! I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.
Serious questions:
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Does lemmy have an above normal number of autistic/ADHD people?
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Is this perception a way for young people to feel special and different?
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Maybe young people don’t realize just how fucking weird growing up is and think they have a problem?
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Do people not realize that even after adulthood, we all have weird foibles?
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Are people so socially isolated that they think their weird thoughts are uncommon?
Just want to start the discussion. Help me understand.
It’s normal to pee. It’s not normal to pee 200 times a day.
Apply that to any ADHD symptom and you’ll understand.
Girls used to be 16x less likely than boys to be diagnosed, now only 3x less likely, because traditional ADHD criteria excluded girls and women from their studies. Girls are sociallized differently and thus present different symptoms. Girls are also more heavily penalized for typical ADHD symptoms and are forced to learn to mask better.
A lot of the backlash against women speaking about their ADHD symptoms on social media is due to misogyny and gatekeeping. When women present their experiences, it’s often seen as attention seeking behavior and not treated as an account of how the medical system has once again failed women.
Edit: a very good starter would be https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1AUdaH-EPM
You have a scale of 0 to 100%. Mine is like 200 to 4000%. There is a lot of literature and research on autism. We work differently and the way your post starts made me feel very attacked. And suddenly completely out of energy, although I love informing about it.
I guess that’s because exactly that is our daily struggle. To all the damaging things we experience add on top that we’re accused of faking and also ‘that’s how it’s for everyone’.
If you want to get into it but not start reading books I can recommend the book ‘invisible differences’ very much. There’s a pdf on the internet floating around.
I know you wanted to ask innocently, however keep in mind asking about something and implicating something is not really a thing to people suffering massively exactly for that reason can be very hurtful.
There’s degrees to these things. At a certain point they’re severe enough to be considered a problem beyond just “normal human foibles”. I for instance don’t like being outside at home because the HOA I live in doesn’t allow privacy fences and your neighbors for 8 houses in either direction can see into each others back yards. It stresses me out to the point that I avoid it as much as possible and probably makes everyone else think of me as a weirdo (which also stresses me out). Whether that problem falls under autism or ADHD I’m not qualified to say but it’s not normal behavior.
This. Everyone experiences these feelings at some point, but when they start having an outsized impact on your life, there might be a cause such as Autism/ADHD.
I feel like online spaces like lemmy over represent some behaviors.
Agreed. We congregate on platforms like this because we’re too weird for the normies in the real world.
- Reduced stigma led to more diagnosis and less hiding
- decreased socialization and internet escapism increased the percentage of the population exhibiting these symptoms and aided in self diagnosis
- people like to make groups to simplify their world and feel a sense of belonging, see: astrology, personality quizzes, omegaverse, sports
Its a big complicated mess with no clear answer. We all do exhibit these feelings to a certain extent, the magnitude and ceiling for our ability to cope and adapt to them however feeds our definitions, yet everyone can look at this and feel a little but of ourselves.
I felt like this which is initially why I didn’t get tested. Even tho I can see how medication has helped me, I still worry that I’m imaging it.
Some of us are just sitting here nodding along to 90% of the memes and struggling continuously with basic daily function but also past puberty and thus completely unable to even get checked for any kind of diagnosis due to a crumbling and outdated healthcare system.
Completely relate. Pretty normal… Except for… list pending.
Capitalism and consumer culture expects as all to be robots. Autism and ADHD labels help people feel more comfortable excusing their humans behavior so they self assign. Also because more people are ADHD and autistic so a mix
These things happening once in a while is normal.
These things happening all the time is an issue.
For a lot of symptoms of adhd, autism and others it’s not what you experience, but the frequency at which you experience and how detrimental it is for you because of the frequency.
Like, everyone needs to piss and shit. But if you’re going 10 times every 2 hours, something is wrong.
That is starting to make sense. Yet I’ve never met a human that experiences these things non-stop. My daughter can be “off” sometimes, but she’s mostly not. And yes, I understand it’s a spectrum, there are degrees.
Intensity is also important. One symptom of autism for me is compulsive tendencies. The things on the shelf have a correct order and it bothers me if they aren’t in that order. Food has a correct order to eat it in and I don’t go back and forth between things or mix things together. Various daily tasks have to be done in a certain order.
I don’t have OCD. The difference is that I can still function if these things are done wrong, it causes anxiety and agitation but not beyond a level that I can deal with. Someone with OCD might have the exact same tendencies but not be able to move forward without “fixing” whatever is wrong even if fixing it causes them injury or prevents them from dealing with more important things. Everyone wants to wash their hands sometimes. People without strong compulsions stop before their hands bleed.
Have you also thought of the idea that maybe she’s masking some of those symptoms around you? A lot of the language in your post seems judgmental, if just ignorant. It could be she’s willing and able to internalize those symptoms around you or other people in order to make her life easier - lots of us do it around family because a LOT of parents wind up coming out of the gate sounding like you, and it’s easier to just go “look I’m fine” rather than have to justify our diagnosis constantly.
Autism, especially what used to be considered “high functioning” autism like Asperger’s, isn’t always a “constant” feeling of these symptoms anymore than an average schizoaffective person or someone with BPD or someone with bipolar is constantly experiencing their own symptoms. You have good days, you have bad days, and you have triggers and sometimes you can nut up even on the bad days and go to work or school or whatever. Autistic people aren’t constantly Rainman-ing their way through life, or constantly reenacting Sheldon from Big Bang Theory or whatever your popular conception is.
You’re already saying “she’s mostly not off”, so why is it so hard to believe that she has this disorder, or that it’s hard to take the next step and say “huh, she says that the medicine really helps and makes it easier for her, so I’ll believe her on that.”. I understand wanting the best and worrying about things like chemical dependency, but her doctor should be - and almost certainly IS - monitoring for this at regular checkups.
Social media in general attracts autistic people, because it’s much easier to socialize without being judged or excluded.
By definition Autism and ADHD are disabilities that negatively impact your life relative to other people.
It’s important to have a word to label what the issue is in a neutral way, because if you don’t use the word autism, you get called words like “weird,” “creepy,” “stupid,” or the r-word. When none of those things are true. Your brain just doesn’t intuitively understand things the way other peoples’ does.
The ADA defines a person with a disability as a person who has a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activity. Socialization is a major life activity. Loneliness is a major cause of depression of death, and not being able to socialize well impacts your ability to maintain employment. When these issues aren’t managed, your ability to function in society is significantly impaired.
To me, this post is no different from saying “You’re not dyslexic, you just needed to try harder in spelling class.” When people have an issue, telling them it doesn’t exist isn’t helpful.
That first sentence tells me SO much. I never once thought of that.
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Your daughter does not take “speed”. Educate yourself.
These are genetic disorders. Ask yourself, why it might be that you, who gave your daughter large parts of her genetic makeup, perceive her as “normal”.
Everybody pees. If you have to run to the loo every 5 minutes, see a doctor.
If I took her ADHD drugs, I’d be on speed. She takes them, she calms down. Yes, it’s speed, I’ve done loads, all kinds, I get it. Why else you think said drugs are so highly controlled? Shit’s nearly like meth to “normal” people.
Are you telling me to educate myself and implying there’s a genetic component to autism/ADHD? Imma need to see your notes.
So you acknowledge that the medication your daughter takes does something beneficial to her brain that it doesn’t do for “normal” people yet you still question whether there really is anything “not normal” with her?
I don’t understand your second paragraph.
My brother in Christ, you could be a supportive father, and instead you’re posting comments like this. Be better. She’s getting controlled substances from licensed healthcare professionals, there is a reason for that. Fuck off with the speed comments.
Methylphenadate is chemically different from Methamphetamines. They are produced differently. They are processed in different ways by the body. They have different effects on the brain. And most importantly, they are prescribed from a medical professional.
You’re perpetuating an incredibly harmful stigma that directly impacts the lives of those struggling with ADHD, including your loved ones.
It’s almost like the whole thing is a spectrum, where people that have it feel the same emotions as neurotypical people, but they feel them more intensely.
There’s also something to be said for admitting 5hat if your child is neurodivergent then you as a parent are probably neurodivergent
Everybody pees once in a while but if you do it 20 times a day something might be wrong. Every ADHD/‘tism/bipolar trait is experienced by neurotypical people, but not to the degree someone with an actual diagnosis do.
I am not so sure that’s actually true for all traits. Certainly I don’t think most people have any kind of eye contact aversion. Likewise many people very much do not have alexithymia.
You might be right, what I wrote is what I usually say to the people who dismiss any neurospicy person because “EvErYbOdY dOeS tHaT”
Yeah fair enough. It is one of the often repeated things. There are some things it just doesn’t really apply to.
I don’t agree. In wild animals, eye contact is often a bad thing because it can be viewed as a challenge. Similarly, “staring down” someone is very much a bad thing. Similarly, when someone is embarassed or ashamed/etc, they’re much less likely to make eye contact. There are many natural moments when “normal” people don’t like eye contact or don’t feel like making it.
Similarly, I think most people grossly underestimate their emotional acuity. Just look at how many people fall into the, “I’m an empath” meme, or at how many people don’t actually understand consent. OFC someone that doesn’t like to watch peoples’ faces would be a bit slower to pick up on cues than normal, but ‘normal’ isn’t exactly a perfect record!
(yes I know for many autistic people it goes beyond simply being slow to pick up on things, but hopefully I’ve still illustrated my point about it genuinely being a spectrum that does indeed touch ‘normal’, and that ‘normal’ is its own spectrum.)
Without commenting on any specific meme (if for no other reason than that imgur is booked the UK and i can’t see the image) and without meaning to disparage OP in any way, because i believe they are asking an honest question, i think that sometimes it’s a question of framing. I think of it like this:
Say you’ve broken your leg and it’s painful for you to hobble around on crutches. You get to work and find that the lift (elevator for the yanks) is out of order. You work on the 20th floor and have no choice but to take the stairs. You talk about how unpleasant this is going to be for you, and a colleague says “yes, everybody hates taking the stairs”. Maybe they do, but it’s not the same thing.
Which again isn’t to suggest that everybody posting memes about neurodivergence is talking about real traits, just that the idea that “everybody runs out of social battery sometimes and therefore everybody is on the spectrum somewhere” isn’t really accurate. It can be the difference between deciding to skip a party because you’d rather curl up with a book and spending 4 months not exchanging a single word with another human being. Or the difference between having a favourite film which you say you’re “obsessed” with and spending 9 days straight watching it on repeat while only sleeping 4 hours a night because the other 20 are you watching the film.
A decade or two ago people used to say “everybody’s a little bit OCD”. That seems to have fallen out of fashion now. I’m reminded of the meme which goes something like one person saying “I’m a bit OCD, i arrange my books by colour”, and the second person saying “cool. I think that if I don’t flip the light switch 40 times all my family will die”.
