followed with ‘I wasn’t aware is so important to you. I didn’t want to insult you and if you felt so, I apologize. The word fuck is one I use very often, but I’ll try to control myself around you’

Note I didn’t insult the coworker (no fuck you or fuck off), but simply said ‘fuck’ out loud due to a job error.

  • T156@lemmy.world
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    5 hours ago

    No, but the swearing is immaterial. That apology isn’t, so let’s break down the likely interpretation a bit.

    I didn’t want to insult you and if you felt so, I apologize.

    This is probably the most egregious part, since ‘I’m sorry you felt offended’ isn’t actually an apology, it just sounds like one. You’re not actually apologising for anything you did.

    No matter what it is you might have wanted or intended, the fact of the matter is that you did offend your coworker with your swearing.

    The word fuck is one I use very often, but I’ll try to control myself around you’

    This part is fine-ish? I’d leave off the “around you”, since it’s extraneous. They don’t need to know that you’re deliberately taking exception around them.

    I apologize. The word fuck is one I’m used to using, but I’ll try to avoid using it.

    Seems a better way of putting it. You made the error, you apologised, clean and cut. No need for unnecessary explanation that could be taken as excuse, or unnecessary exceptions that may taint your intended message.

    Maybe accompany it with an apology muffin or something.

    • ikidd@lemmy.world
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      3 hours ago

      I apologize. The word fuck is one I’m used to using, but I’ll try to avoid using it.

      This sounds like “I’m sorry I fucking swore around you, I’ll try to stop that shit.”

  • bitchkat@lemmy.world
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    5 hours ago

    Why would you need to apologize at all? You swore. It’s not a big fucking deal.

    • SPRUNT@lemmy.world
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      3 hours ago

      Right? How about this: I’ll keep the swearing to a minimum if you remove all the religious bobbles from your desk and stop talking about God. You don’t have a monopoly on being offended, and respect goes both ways.

      • bitchkat@lemmy.world
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        3 hours ago

        If you have a burning desire to say anything then “Thank you for letting me know how you feel.”

  • taiyang@lemmy.world
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    15 hours ago

    You’ve got way more patience than me. Just yesterday my own grandma was offended by my use of fuck randomly and I ended up defending myself instead of apologizing (she likes Tim Walz so I said the guy called Musk a dipshit and somehow that got me out of hot water lol). I don’t think I’d even have that much tact with a coworker.

  • HubertManne@moist.catsweat.com
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    15 hours ago

    is it an office. if so the apology should be more about your behavior in a professional setting not just around one person. If its blue collar it might apply if members of the public are around.

    • ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net
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      14 hours ago

      This is a solid point.

      In a polite environment like an office, if one person was offended enough to call it out, there’s a huge chance others feel the same way.

      I mean there will always be Karen’s who flip out that you’re just eating chips loudly.

      But It’s up to the company culture to decide how to approach it as a whole, rather than address it with a single person.

      • HubertManne@moist.catsweat.com
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        13 hours ago

        Somewhat. the office environment is the employers and generally follows a civil discourse type of rule. Again in blue collar if your on a site and everyone there is just a worker then usually swearing is commonplace but if your doing a job at a home and the homeowners are around its generally frowned upon. Public businesses usually do not allow it but will let it slip if its not confrontational or often. So basically the apology is more about the owner of the space I would say and whats appropriate.

  • Illuminostro@lemmy.world
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    5 hours ago

    “Look, I’m sorry I’m such a foulmouth asshole. I’m trying my fuckin’ best, but this shit is harder than shit. I’m a cunt hair from beatin’ this shit. I’l try not to be such a cunt going forward. We good? Cool, Fuckin’ A.”

      • ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net
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        13 hours ago

        Gotta love it!

        Those who say, “Stop being so sensitive” often are the biggest little bitches.

          • ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net
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            10 hours ago

            Nah they’re little bitches because they can’t handle that other people might be different.

            Be a bit more sensitive to others instead of being a little bitch who feels uncomfortable around people expressing themselves and telling them to bottle it in?

            • GrammarPolice@lemmy.world
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              9 hours ago

              You don’t need to voice out your sensitivity to certain situations when you can just remove yourself from it. OP’s coworker is a bitch.

              I can understand not wanting to hear a constant barrage of swear words, but getting triggered at someone’s outburst of frustration expressed as a swearword is lame shit.

  • NeoNachtwaechter@lemmy.world
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    12 hours ago

    Really not a good apology.

    It comes off as looking down on the other person.

    Note I didn’t insult the coworker (no fuck you or fuck off), but simply said ‘fuck’ out loud

    So it is all just bad behaviour on your side. You can apologize for that: Your own behaviour. NOT the coworker’s interpretation of it.

  • breadsmasher@lemmy.world
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    17 hours ago

    Comes across as a snide non-apology to me. Regardless of whether an apology or whatever is warranted, the phrasing here sounds nothing like an apology if that’s what you’re going for

  • ChowJeeBai@lemmy.world
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    18 hours ago

    Dunno. I’d expect grown ass adults to be able to put their personal feelings aside for the sake of professional obligations. If your coworker is gonna get upset at everything, he’s not in for a very good time.

    • Stiffneckedppl@lemmy.world
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      17 hours ago

      I agree with the sentiment, but if we’re going to make that argument based around professionalism, I would also have to argue that it’s not very professional to use that kind of language in a work setting.

      So maybe this is a situation where both sides can grow.

      • snooggums@lemmy.world
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        17 hours ago

        it’s not very professional to use that kind of language in a work setting.

        That depends massively on the profession, setting, and context.

        Restaurant kitchen where something gets spilled, a trade where something unexpectedly breaks, a couple lawyers without anyone else around finding out their client is on camera admitting to the crime, etc. are all fine to say a calm ‘oh fuck’ as a reaction. Someone in an open office who yelled it because their code didn’t compile would not be acting very professional.

      • GrammarPolice@lemmy.world
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        11 hours ago

        It doesn’t seem to me that OP’s coworker had an issue with professionalism. Rather, they seem to have been triggered by the use of the word

      • SchmidtGenetics@lemmy.world
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        16 hours ago

        Than replacement words shouldn’t be acceptable either, you can either express your frustration or you can’t. A choose of word shouldn’t make a difference, it should be unprofessional to make an outburst at all if that’s the case.

    • ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net
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      14 hours ago

      OP came to share a thing they’re doing and you built this story as a extremely sensitive coworker?

  • Today@lemmy.world
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    16 hours ago

    You don’t have to say anything, just change the behavior around them. If you’re required to apologize, “I’m sorry. I’ll work on that.” should suffice

    • Ech@lemm.ee
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      3 hours ago

      Not everything is about what we’re “required” to do. If op wants to apologize, why try and talk them out of it?

      *Edit to add this clip since it’s been echoing in my head for weeks now and it’s relevant: https://files.catbox.moe/ozpjht.mp4

      • Jimmycrackcrack@lemmy.ml
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        4 hours ago

        It also sounds like based on the preceding post that they really are going to have to do this as the initial reaction to offending their coworker seems not to have gone down well with them and their colleagues at all. It looks like they’re kind of having to do this to prevent things escalating any further which might be why their apology has needed to be workshopped and people are finding flaws in it. They’re probably having to work through a fair bit of resentment before they can find an authentic apology in themselves. Good for them though, that can take a bit of reflection and the initial instinct can be to try and issue a non-apology apology but instead they’re working through it to get it right.

  • Jerb322@lemmy.world
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    17 hours ago

    My neighbor passed away and a new family moved in. Talking with dad, I noticed he didn’t swear much. I said a handful of curse words the first few times we talked. I noticed he was a little put off. So I just made a conscious effort to not curse around him. Never apologized, just tried not to. Pretty sure he’s noticed and appreciates it.

  • linearchaos@lemmy.world
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    17 hours ago

    Don’t go could turkey, you’ll fail. Lizard brain is gonna respond with or without monkey brains help.

    As much as you can, start with replacing fuck with frack or fine or fudge, or just make it funny. Stopping the cadence is harder than changing the word.

  • horse_battery_staple@lemmy.world
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    17 hours ago

    I work in a very large tech company. I curse like a fucking sailor around some people and use my church voice around others. Expletives lose their punch when used too often.

    I wouldn’t apologize or bring it up further. The time for an apology about language spoken in the heat of the moment is as soon after as possible.

    The best apology is a change in behavior.

    Good luck navigating this, you can see how contentious a topic it is by the comments in this thread. But it boils down to know your audience, and believe people when they tell you they have a problem.

    • lobut@lemmy.ca
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      15 hours ago

      I remember working in the London UK office and we curse non-stop over there it’s great. Whenever our colleagues from SF would visit they would always be surprised how much we swear. I’d see them do the turnaround like, ‘what just happened?’.