I’m about to start my 12 week paternity leave next week thanks to a state program and almost everyone that I’ve told has had their jaws on the floor that I would even want to do that.
Today I witnessed a group of coworkers almost bragging how little time they took after their kids were born. I’ve heard stuff like “Most men are hard working and want to support their families so they don’t take leave”.
To me it was a no brainer, I’m getting ~85% of my normal pay and I get to take care of my wife, our son and our newborn for 3 whole months. and for someone who hasn’t taken a day breathe in the past 3 years I think I deserve it.
I’m in the US so I know it’s a “strange” concept, but people have seemed genuinely upset, people it doesn’t affect at all. Again, it’s a state program available to almost anyone who’s worked in the past 2 years, I’ve talked to soon to be dads who scoffed at the idea and were happy to use a week of pto and that’s it.
I feel like I’m missing something.
I’ll never have biological children of my own and I’ll never get to use that benefit. From a strictly selfish standpoint, it stings a bit that pretty much all my heterosexual friends and coworkers, male and female, get a minimum of 12 - 36 weeks of paid time off that I’ll never get.
Having said that, I’m genuinely happy that they get it, I think it’s a shame that 12 weeks per child isn’t a minimum standard for paternity & maternity leave. In the professional settings I’ve worked in that offer paternity leave, I’ve never experienced a coworker complaining or making fun of a man taking paternity leave, nor have I ever heard of a man NOT taking paternity leave when it’s offered.
The places I’ve worked that offer it also usually offer flexible leave, so it’s very common for new dads to take 4 - 6 weeks off at birth, and then work a reduced schedule for the remaining time until they’re out of leave, after which they return full time. Even some of the moms are doing that as well, basically maximizing the amount of time that at least one parent is on leave and at home with the newborn.
But, outside of professional settings and particularly within conservative/Republican family and acquaintances, typically lower-to-middle class people, they act like paternity leave is ridiculous. My dad laughed out loud a while back when I mentioned I was taking over a new project because my coworker was about to go on paternity leave “What? Are you serious?” In my opinion, “toxic masculinity” aka stupid, ignorant, and useless concepts of overly rigid gender stereotypes is where this type of opinion is rooted. That and probably a good degree of jealousy.
You should start “smoking”. Protected breaks every set timeframe. Your work doesn’t matter, you need to chase the dragon and it’s culturally protected. Why take a few months all at once for a kid when you can take 15 min over a longer time and rack up much more time away?
Combine that with taking a dump at work and suddenly hours are devoted away from the task… maternity leave is just their version.
The “work yourself to death” is a stupid boomer concept. It’s a hugely negative aspect of traditional masculinity.
When people say weird stuff like this, I always question why. Why would you have a kid and then work so hard to be away from it? Why would you work for a company that will lay you off the moment it earns them a higher stock price to do so? (no modern company deserves your loyalty.) Why would you brag about suffering instead of relaxing?
I understand that we’re all wired differently but those values literally don’t make sense to me.
Those people are jealous fucking idiots. 12 weeks is hardly anything. You get a fucking year for each parent in Norway
You are surrounded with workaholic, misogynists. My company gives full pay for 12 weeks for mothers and fathers. Several of my coworkers, mostly men, have used their leave in full (usually 9 weeks together and the other 3 broken up). Nobody ever looks down on people for taking leave.
Maybe they would take all of it if it was for full pay. Ya’ll motherfuckers need a union.
I think a lot of the pushback can be chalked up to jealousy as well. If you are living paycheck to paycheck, then you can’t afford to take a 15% pay cut. Then of course, you taking leave means that they will have added responsibilities until you get back as well.
But it’s your right, if you can afford it then you absolutely should take it if that’s what you want. You can’t get this time back
I went through the same thing when I took my paternity leave. Other male coworkers bragged about how they went back to work the day after their kid was born.
It’s a culture thing where our society is conditioned to be boot lickers for the ruling class. I responded to them at the time, “Congratulations on being a bad father, I’m going to take every day entitled to me”
Don’t fall into their trap.
Yup. Had old union buddies I was talking to after my first, and I brought up that he had a diaper blowout earlier, and they were like “I’ve never changed a diaper in my life!”
Just told them " damn, I’d be too embarrassed to admit I were that bad of a father in public…"
I find it hilarious when people brag about things they think are cool but it just makes them look like dumbasses.
“Lol I can drink 24 beers in one sitting”
“I never call in sick, I can be hacking up a lung and I’m still there at the office”
On and on…
My thoughts:
We have it at my work (just called paid parental leave) and the guys seem to really consider it a benefit, they take it. Like you. Nobody has ever said anything but Congratulations. This is in Florida. You ARE supporting your family. I got 0 weeks paid when I gave birth, I’m really happy this is starting to change. Parenting is valuable work.
In Sweden, we have 16 months of parental that can be split between parents.
Nurses do house check-ups for the first few months and it’s great for both parents to ask questions and get advice.
These guys who have the option but decline caring for thier family sound like shitty partners/dad’s
I had both my kids before this existed. I would have killed to have 12 weeks paid off to be with my new family. Getting exactly zero days off when you are a new dad SUCKS.
this is part of your compensation. you pay state taxes for it. And you deserve it. decades of corporate propaganda has made most people believe they don’t deserve leave at all. ignore the haters and take your leave.
I did 6 months for each of my kids and it was great.
My company does 16 weeks of fully paid paternity. I’m taking 9 weeks at the beginning and breaking up the rest over the year to help with this or that.
I am a little concerned as to what my job will look like when I get back especially with the political climate. But at the end of the day that isn’t what is most inorganic to me. My family is.
Your coworkers are fucking idiots.
I too recognize that this person’s coworkers are fucking idiots.
I was so mad that I only had 1 week of PTO to take care of my wife and son after the rough birth. Thankfully some friends pulled us into their place to help take care of my wife while I had to work, otherwise she would have had to get grippy socks…
I fucking hate this country.
The only way the masses ever get what they are owed is through large scale violence
I got a new job before our second. No PTO at all so I took 2 weeks unpaid. My wife needed me for much longer than I was able to be there. I was angry but I had to return to work. We had no outside help and the next 6 months were so rough that my productivity at work dropped off significantly. I was let go when my second was 6 months old. If I had PTO I would’ve used all of it and same with any paternity leave.
Holy cow, that is a strange concept - I was coming back to add some of the hate you’re getting might be from affordability. Any paternity leave you can get in the US is usually vacation and unpaid. No one can afford much of that. That’s amazing that you still get an income to support taking care of your new child
Someone else pointed out that they wouldn’t be able to survive off of 85% pay without finding gig/temp work. And I’ll admit, I’m in a fortunate enough position now that I didn’t put much thought into that 15% being detrimental. We’ll surely blow through most of our savings and that’ll hurt, but we’ll be alright.
With my first son I was working 2 jobs when he was born and we were already well behind on a lot of bills so the thought of leave didn’t ever begin to cross my mind. It does make me even more appreciative of the position we’re in now.
I don’t know what to say to you.
In Canada we get 18 months which can be 12 maternity and 6 paternity, or a combo of say 15 and 3.
The amazing thing is that it’s amazing to such a rich country that we look after our people.
